sorry

i have gone cold
in these moments
alone
to consider spite

I feel the worry
like buzzing waves
beneath and surrounding my skin
radiating and expelling fear
trapped by the aura of guilt
forced to flow down
and circulate
containing them
in the prison of me

and all i can do
is submit to be crushed
by the weight of knowing
understanding
the need for penance

to hurt myself in ways you can’t see
is not justice
but a controlled burn
that will save me
from feeling

helpless