Duolingo gifts streak extensions in solidarity with a nation feeling absolutely gutted
Following the disheartening 5-4 vote to overturn Roe v Wade, women across the country have begun making moves to protect what few rights they have left, extinguishing the small glimmers of hope they had that the future would be bigger and brighter.
Along with the growing number of companies pledging to pay for employees' safe travel in the event they need an abortion, many well-known businesses have also taken to social media to offer sympathies and support. Language learning app Duolingo announced Sunday that they would be gifting a week's worth of "Streak Freezes" to all users to ensure that the suffocating despondency everyone is feeling does not impact their ongoing records.
When users logged in early Sunday morning, they were greeted by Duo and Zari – an anthropomorphic multi-lingual owl and his female friend, respectively – in tears. Users were invited to accept a treasure chest filled with 7 Streak Freezes. The company has also extended the number of slots used for consecutive streak freezes, ensuring that for the next week – users do not have to worry about falling behind and being penalized.
When reached out to for comment, representatives for the good habit forming app said that they were "well aware that nobody really has the words right now to sufficiently describe the numbing despair that overcomes them hourly now," and that "no one can really expect anyone to learn how to say fermented soybeans in Japanese let alone anything they actually have to process to make it out of this week alive."
Some users were repulsed by the move, calling it "pandering to the woke left," and refused to claim the in-app reward despite not having logged in for 213 days prior to the announcement. An employee that wished to remain anonymous informed the Springfield Daily Observer that there were a number of reasons Duolingo chose now to speak out in support of women despite their well documented mishandling of Lily's sexual harassment case against Vikram.
"Here we go. Let's start with easy ones," they began. "Vikram has been placed on administrative leave and there are no plans for him to return at this time. We recognize that mistakes have been made and are in the process of designing in-house initiatives to prevent similar behavior in the workplace going forward."
After shifting uncomfortably for several moments, the anonymous employee added, "Listen. We've had a lot of turnover. Can we focus on the fact that we're trying to get it right, and we're all really exasperated. We need a break. You all need a break. We're just trying to do, like, the most basic thing and give people some time back to themselves this week instead of sadistically forcing themselves to learn by rote as an adult. We're trying. We're not Vikram. Just ... can we just not right now?"
Some users took to Twitter to express their gratitude. "Ugh thank you Duo. One less thing for me to have to worry about this week, " wrote @Kileyxx490326. "Duo gets it." Some fans of the app simply shared pictures of Duo with captions of heart emojis.
Celebrity Valerie Bertinelli weighed in more subtly, tweeting "Rosetta Stone is not the greatest language app in the world."
Duolingo, which is aligned with CEFR standards, also announced on Tiktok that their mascot Duo didn't give a rip about FCC standards and would be cordially inviting Mitch McConnell to suck "the fattest part of my [sic] feathered owl ass."
Users that wish to take a break from this life-sucking void of a week should log in before 7/1 to claim their rewards.
